He Loves Him Read online

  “No, no I understand.” That wasn’t a lie. There was no point in telling me about something that would potentially upset me if the chances were it would never happen. Besides, it’s not like he needed my permission to apply for a job.

  “I haven’t accepted anything yet, and I won’t accept anything unless we’re in agreement on it. I know long distance isn’t ideal, and I know you said you would never go down that road again. I never even considered it until I found this job, and like I said I never even thought I’d get it. I just couldn’t not apply, but now it’s a real option and I’d like to take it. Now I know you might not like that idea. You have every reason not to like the idea, so if you tell me no then I a hundred percent am okay with that. I can take the commuter job, no problem.” He said it so calmly, and for some reason that infuriated me a little.

  I hated the idea, but I also knew early on that there was a greater possibility of him having to move away for a job than there was leaving. Not that I had ever really gotten used to the idea, but I always knew it could happen. The idea that he would stay behind and give up a great job in favor of a mediocre one because of me made my heart swell, but it also made me feel guilty.

  “You don’t have to decide right now. I know it’s a lot to think about,” he added quickly.

  Bad memories were speeding through my head, along with all the fear and doubt about what would happen if I found myself in another long-distance relationship. It didn’t matter that I knew Kit was completely different, and that he would never do that to me. The logic didn’t matter, because I had faced this before and now the idea of doing it again terrified me. But this was Kit, and he deserved the best. He shouldn’t be sacrificing that because I had issues.

  “What would we do to make it work?” I asked quietly.

  “Riker, I can tell you don’t like this. You don’t have to,” Kit said.

  “Kit, please don’t. Just tell me what we would do if I say it’s okay,” I said.

  He gently took hold of my ankles and rubbed his thumbs back and forth. “We’d video chat every day, obviously. I could visit at least one weekend every month. More, if possible. And you could visit me whenever your schedule allows it. I’d let you pick when I use my vacation days if you want. And if I get the holidays off, I’ll spend them wherever you are, and if I don’t then you could come to me if you want. Whatever it takes, Ri. Whatever you need.”

  I nodded slowly at him. That was good, that was better than I thought. Still though, just because it sounded good didn’t mean it would work.

  “Can we watch the movie now?” I said suddenly. I couldn’t talk about it anymore.

  “Yeah,” he said. “You want to set it up?”

  I climbed off the couch and set about pulling the movie up on my laptop and hooking it up to the TV. Then I climbed back onto the couch and settled back on the opposite end from Kit. He gently tossed my blanket to me. I fanned it out over me and rested my head on the armrest. Kit stretched out on his side of the couch and tucked his feet under my blanket, just nudging up against my shins. For a brief second, I thought about pulling my legs away, but that would’ve just been mean. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I just wasn’t in the right head space.

  The movie was a pleasant distraction. I could easily watch it and listen to it, smiling at my favorite parts and follow along without too much effort. All that extra effort was spent on thinking about a long-distance relationship. The last one had ended horribly, and I still had issues because of it. Issues might be an understatement really. I was scarred. Kit knew that all though, and I knew he wouldn’t be asking if he didn’t really want this.

  “Are you mad at me?” he said suddenly about halfway through the movie.

  “No,” I said immediately. “God, no.”

  “It’s just you’ve never not tried to cuddle me during a movie before.”

  I smiled half-heartedly. “Would you like a cuddle?”

  “If you want to. I just don’t want you to be mad at me, or if you are then I want to make it better somehow.”

  I sighed. I really didn’t want to keep talking about this, but I didn’t think he’d let me push this conversation off. “I’m not mad at you. Promise. I’m not happy right now, but that’s not your fault.”

  “I shouldn’t have ever asked you. It’s not fair to even make you consider this,” he said apologetically.

  “Of course, it’s freaking fair,” I snapped, then immediately sighed and said softly, “I’m sorry, but I don’t like that you have to make these decision based on whether or not I’m going to self-destruct. That’s not fair to you.”

  “I don’t mind,” he said.

  “You should,” I said.

  “But I don’t, because it’s not your fault.”

  “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m not mad at you, Kit. It’s just a lose-lose decision in my mind, so that’s where I’m at,” I explained to him.

  He went silent again after that. I felt a little bad about that. I was being short with him and he didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he was doing everything right. It was just me. I couldn’t even think about a long-distance relationship without freaking out, and on top of that, being sick wasn’t exactly helping me.

  Kit was always doing everything he could for me, to make sure I was okay. It had always been like that, him sacrificing for me whenever I was in a bad mental state. Coming to as many of my games as he could, because it made me happy. Changing his work schedule so that he could do things I wanted to do. The least I could do was try to be strong for him, so that he could chase what he wanted for once. Maybe if it worked out it would help heal some of the scars. Not if, I quickly said to myself mentally, when, because it had to work out. It’s not like I’d be alone, not really. He would only be one phone call away, and I’d still have Jake around.

  When the movie finally ended, I got up and gathered my laptop, then I turned to face him, and said, “Take the job, go to Houston. We’ll make it work.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I was turning on my heels and moved back to my room.

  Chapter 40 - Kit

  February 28th, 2017

  Neither Riker nor I brought up the job again. He had said his piece and that was done as far as I could tell from him. It was still bothering me though, that he was willing to let me go to Houston even though just the idea of it was upsetting him, and that wasn’t sitting well with me. Riker wasn’t overly upset, but it was a warning sign that it would get worse once we were in separate cities. And as much as I knew that he had no reason to worry, because I wasn’t going to abandon him, or betray him, he would still be constantly worried about it. So even though he said I should take the job, I didn’t want to take it anymore.

  I had started looking for jobs again, hoping there were some local ones still available that I had either ignored the first time around, or were new since then. That search came up with nothing. Of course, there wasn’t anything, all the jobs had already been snatched up by the graduating classes. There was still one option though.

  I clocked into my shift at the diner before walking back to the owner’s office. The door was open, and she was sitting at her desk doing paperwork. I knocked lightly on the door anyway and waited for her to look up. When she did, she smiled and said, “I’m pretty sure your shift is about to start.”

  “It is.” I smiled back. “But I was wondering if I could talk to you real quick.”

  “Sure, take a seat,” she said and motioned for the chair across from her desk.

  Gratefully, I walked forward and sunk into the chair.

  “So, what’s on your mind?”

  “You’re going to be looking for a new cook over the summer, right?” I asked. Luke, one of the cooks that had been here for a couple years, was taking a job at a high-end restaurant that was opening over the summer. But summer was also one of the slowest seasons for the diner, because the college students, who made up most of our business, weren’t around, so I knew she hadn�
�t started looking for a replacement yet.

  “Yes. Why, do you know someone looking for a job for next year?”

  “Actually, I was wondering if you would consider me for it.”

  “Kit, it’s full-time, and you’re graduating soon.”

  “I know, that’s kind of why I want it.”

  She leaned back in her chair and looked at me with a mixture of concern and curiosity. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Kit? You’ve been working here for four years and in all that time you’ve never once mentioned wanting to stay in the restaurant industry, let alone at this little diner. You’ve always had your eyes on the business world.”

  I slumped a little in the chair. That was the problem, wasn’t it, with working in one place so long. Especially when the place was as small as this, and the owner managed everything. She knew me too well.

  “I didn’t get the local job I applied for,” I said simply.

  “And the others you applied for?”

  “They don’t really matter,” I said. The commuter job wasn’t worth it, I had decided. The amount of time I would spend driving to and from would basically eliminate all my free time with Riker. And even if it didn’t there was still the fact that after I worked the math out I would barely be making enough to cover all my finances, and the gas to get to and from. Nothing about the job really seemed worth it. And Houston wasn’t an option. Not really.

  “And why do you say that?” she asked.

  “The Riker factor,” I said, “Long-distance isn’t something I can put him through. He’s been there before, and it went pretty much as bad as it could. He’d be a constant wreck.”

  “Did you even talk to him about it?”

  “Yeah. He told me to go for it, but he was upset at the idea.”

  She sighed and leaned forward again. “Alright. Kit, you are a wonderful employee. One of the best I’ve ever had, and I would love for you to stick around. If you want the job after graduation, it’s yours. But I really think you should talk to Riker about it some more. This is a big decision to be making, and I don’t want you giving up something amazing for this,” she said with a gesture to the whole building. “So, take two weeks and think about it. If you come back to me and tell me you want this, then fine. You’ll keep being a waiter until after you graduate. We can survive without you for most of the summer if you want to take some time away, and then we’ll train you up before the fall.

  “Thank you. So much.”

  “I mean it though, Kit. Think about it seriously before you come back to me with a decision.”

  “I will.”

  She smiled kindly again and said, “Good. Now get to work.”

  I smiled back at her as I stood up and headed out to prepare for my first table of the night.

  Chapter 41 - Kit

  March 4th, 2017

  “Why am I here?” Riker asked in his best just-short-of-a-whine voice.

  “Because, if I didn’t drag you here, you would’ve sat at home bored all day.”

  “So now I have to be bored in public?” That was a whine. He had been like this all week, ever since we talked about Houston. We still hadn’t talked about it again, or about me possibly staying on at the diner instead. Riker was just in such a bad mood, and I didn’t want to make it worse. In fact, I was hoping today would make it better.

  “If in an hour you are still bored, we can go home,” I told him as we walked through the maze of people.

  “Deal.”

  I blinked at him in surprise before continuing to drag him along through the crowd. That was easier than I thought it would be. We were both indifferent to the band playing behind us and the large portion of the crowd singing and dancing along to it. I had no idea who the band even was. Instead, I led him over first to where there was free sodas and popcorn, we both took one each, then led him to where a bunch of carnival games were set up. There was a dunk tank with a group of football players taking turns in it that I thought he might appreciate.

  Riker finished his popcorn before we even made it over there, so I handed him mine, just to have it enthusiastically handed back to me when it was his turn to throw and he realized who was in the tank. I had a split second to appreciate that Riker was wearing one of his soccer t-shirts, before the player in the tank realized it and started taunting him.

  Riker had three throws to sink him and he missed his first.

  “Might as well give up now, everyone knows soccer players don’t know how to use their hands,” the football player yelled in an attempt at rattling Riker.

  “That is where you are wrong,” Riker said as he threw the second and missed, “I am very good with my hands.”

  “Could’ve fooled me,” he had just managed to say before the third ball hit home and he was submerged in the tank. Riker threw his hands up in celebration with a pleased, smug, smile, while everyone in line behind us clapped excitedly.

  The football player pulled himself back up to the surface and climbed out of the tank. “Alright, I stand corrected. Good job, man. Respect.” He held his hand out for Riker, who gladly shook it with a smile.

  Riker waited off to the side for me, having reclaimed the popcorn and his drink, while I took my turn trying to dunk the next football player who had taken up the seat in the tank. I missed all three throws. Our next stop was more for my own entertainment than his. There was no way he would ever get on the mechanical bull, but I had always wanted to try one, and if I didn’t do it now chances were, I’d run out of time before he wanted to leave.

  “Oooo, I want to try,” Riker said as he realized what line I was pulling us into.

  I looked at him and slowly said, “Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?”

  “What? I could be good at it!”

  “Or you could break a leg,” I pointed out.

  He shrugged. “It’ll heal before next season. Oh, come on. Is it that hard to believe that I could possibly want to do something like this just once?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “It is, because you hate anything where you could possibly get thrown bodily around, except for soccer.”

  “It’s a mechanical bull, it’s one of those things that everyone wants to do to find out if they are secretly good at it. I’m allowed to be adventurous every now and then.” He sounded like he was trying to defend himself.

  “Right, fair enough,” I said, deciding it was easier to just go along with him on this one.

  The closer we came to the front of the line, the more nervous he became, though he was trying his best not to show it. I smiled knowingly and ran a hand up and down his back twice before kissing his cheek.

  “You don’t have to do it, you know. It’s okay if you want to back out.”

  “No, no I’m going to do it,” he said. Then, after a second, he added more quietly, “you go first?”

  “Sure.”

  Before I could say anything reassuring to him, they called, “Next.” I smiled, hoping to give him a little bit of confidence before I stepped up to listen to the instructions.

  Admittedly, it all went by in a blur between the bull starting to move and me landing in a heap on the mat. I lasted three seconds, but it was an exhilarating three seconds. Then I watched and waited as Riker climbed up. Anyone watching who didn’t know him would’ve thought he was perfectly happy to ride the mechanical bull, but I could see the hint of alarm on his face. There he was though, going through with it.

  He lasted half a second longer than I did before he was thrown to the mat. Riker was shaking slightly as he scrambled off the platform and plowed full force into my arms.

  “You okay?” I asked. I could feel his heart pounding through his chest.

  “That was fun, but terrifying. I’m never doing it again,” he said, breathing heavily.

  “You’ll never have to,” I pulled away from him and took his hand again to start walking towards all the tables giving away free stuff, “Can I just say though, you looked really damn hot up there.”
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br />   He smiled, absolutely pleased, before saying, “I’d love to say the same thing about you, but if I’m being honest, I was too busy trying not to puke to pay attention.”

  I just laughed. He was amazing.

  The first table we stopped at had university sponsored sunglasses. He took a neon green pair and I took neon red and black, both putting them on right away. We skipped the second table because it was just pens and neither of us felt like we needed more writing utensils in our life. After that he picked up a poster that we didn’t know what it was for, but he thought looked cool because he’s absolutely obsessed with putting things up on his walls. I picked up a Frisbee and various cups, because you can never have too many cups and we sure as hell weren’t going to pay for any for the kitchen. Then we made it to the last table where there was one black hat left.

  I picked it up, just to stop anyone else from taking it, and held it while we fought for it.

  “I look better in hats,” he said.

  “It matches my sunglasses,” I said.

  “It’ll mess up your hair.”

  “You ate all my popcorn. You owe me this one.”

  His eyes narrowed as he thought. “Fine, you win this one.” I placed the hat victoriously on my head, slung my arm around his neck and said, “come on, let’s go to the photo booth.”

  He was pouting ever so slightly as we walked over and stepped into one of the photo booths across the lawn. The first picture was taken before I could erase the pout from his face. The second photo was taken right after I cracked a joke and caught him mid laugh. The third one was the stereotypical goofy photo. The fourth one captured his entirely awed face as I took the hat off my head and placed it on his. The fifth one was us kissing, also stereotypical but also very necessary and enjoyable. The last picture was us smiling, my arm around his neck again and him leaning into me a little. I paid the extra charge to get two copies of the strip instead of one, and soon we were walking out of the booth each with our own strip of the six photos we had just taken.