He Loves Him Read online

  “The ice cream bar?” I said a little too excitedly for someone who this day wasn’t about.

  “Yes, Ri, the ice cream bar,” he said and pulled out of the parking spot. As soon as he was on the road he reached across the center console to hold my hand.

  “You’ve been telling me for two weeks that that place would be the death of me.”

  “It will, as I’m sure you will find out tonight, however, I really wanted some ice cream and well watching you go crazy is a plus.”

  “I can control myself,” I countered.

  He just gave an un-believing laugh.

  Turned out I really couldn’t control myself. Twenty minutes later, we were sitting down inside, him with just a bowl of chocolate ice cream whipped cream and sprinkles, and me with, well, everything.

  “You’re not even going to finish that,” Kit said looking at my bowl.

  “I will,” I said confidently.

  “You won’t,” he said.

  I raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that a challenge?”

  “No, no it isn’t. Don’t you dare force yourself to finish that, Shahayer. I don’t want to take you to the ER or explain to anyone you died from an ice cream overdose.”

  “Ah, but what a wonderful way to die,” I said as I took my first glorious bite of ice cream. It was pure bliss.

  Needless to say, Kit finished long before I did, and was left to watch me eat. At some point I got into a fight with a gummy worm I couldn’t keep on my spoon and he started laughing at me. I immediately stopped what I was doing and looked up at him. He had been laughing at me all day. It was just that this was the first time I actually had a moment to take it in.

  “What’s that face for?” he said as he reached across and took one of my hands.

  “Nothing. It’s cheesy, don’t worry about it,” I said quickly.

  “No, no I want to hear it,” he pressed. “I don’t get to see that look on you very often.”

  I smiled shyly at him, though I wasn’t too sure as to why I was being shy suddenly. What was there to be shy about? All I knew was that I was shy to the point that I realized I had looked away from him in favor of my ice cream.

  “Awe, Ri, hey. It’s okay you don’t have to tell me.” It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him though. It was that I suddenly realized all the times he would tell me he liked a specific face I made or a specific gesture I use and I rarely ever did the same. Not because I didn’t think those things, I did, his laughing was one of them, and I just never said it out loud for some reason. What a boyfriend I was, couldn’t even compliment him. Well, that was going to have to change, preferably today. It was his birthday after all, he deserved it.

  “Ri?” he said as he ran his thumb across the back of my hand. I must’ve been silent for longer than I realized.

  “Your laugh is the most wonderful sound I’ve ever heard. It’s just… I don’t know, it makes me happy.” I looked up for a second and saw him blushing then I looked back down again.

  “Hey, hey no, don’t look away. Please?”

  I mustered every ounce of inner strength I had to look up at him then, I couldn’t deny him.

  “Riker I am absurdly in love with you. So, if my laugh makes you smile like that, then I’ll find something to laugh at everyday just for you. As cute as you are when you go all shy like that on me, you are infinitely more handsome when you smile.” I had to smile for him right then, I just had to. “There it is,” he said and smiled back at me, rubbing his thumb across my hand some more.

  I made it back to my ice cream, only pouting a little when I realized it melted a bit while we had been talking. And just to prove Kit wrong, I finished the whole thing. That maybe wasn’t the best idea, but I wasn’t going to admit it. After that, he dragged me to a little café for trivia night. We were hopeless. We did well enough on the history and sports, but on current events and pop culture we struggled.

  It was almost midnight when we got back in the car and made our way home. I never got the jittery sugar high Kit was expecting, but I did get the crash that came along with one. As soon as I got my seatbelt on I could barely keep my eyes open. If I could’ve fallen asleep on him while he drove I would’ve, but still his hand playing with my hair while I tried valiantly not to fall asleep was glorious if not completely unhelpful to my cause.

  “Kit?” I said softly.

  “Hmm?”

  “Happy Birthday,” I said.

  “Thanks.”

  I must’ve dozed off because the next thing I knew he was carrying me into the apartment.

  “Romeo,” I said as I nuzzled his shoulder.

  “Hi,” he said and smiled down at me right before he set me down on one of our beds. I was too tired to notice whose it was. I did, however, immediately roll over and clutch at the blanket.

  “Oh no you don’t. I’m not sleeping next to you while you’re in jeans.” He was pulling my shoes off.

  “’m tired,” I mumbled.

  “I know,” he said and rolled me back over, bent down and gave me a tired kiss, “but you’re still taking those jeans off. Even if I have to do it for you.”

  He did, in fact, have to do it for me. I was too tired to operate my limbs. Then he manhandled me into some pajama bottoms and manhandled me out of my shirt and back into a hoodie. He crawled into bed behind me, pulled me to his chest, yawned, and then whispered “Now you can sleep.” I tucked my head under his chin and sighed happily.

  Chapter 10 - Kit

  November 8th, 2016

  A scream sounding through the wall jolted me awake. I threw my blankets off and all but ran into Riker’s room not even bothering to knock. He was sitting up in his bed crying and shaking. I sat down on the bed next to him and tucked him in against my chest.

  “Shh, it’s okay, Riker. It was just a dream. I’m here. I’ve gotcha.”

  He curled into me as tight as he could, clutching at my shirt like a lifeline.

  “Just breathe. Just breathe. I’ve gotcha.” I rubbed his back and kept talking until the tears stopped and his breathing relaxed. He was still shaking but hey, progress. I inched closer to the center of the bed before pulling him back until we were lying down, him partially on top of me.

  “You want to go back to sleep?” I asked.

  “No,” he mumbled.

  Well, okay then. Now what was I supposed to do?

  “What time is it?” he asked from the depths of my chest.

  I glanced at the clock. “Five.”

  “Will you stay up with me?” he asked, his voice small and fragile.

  “Sure, but I’m not getting out of bed for another two hours at least.”

  “Okay,” his grip eased up on me just a little. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head and pulled the blanket up around us. He was almost entirely under it by the time he repositioned without letting go of me. It was almost like he was trying to hide from the last lingering images of the nightmare. He tucked his legs between mine and ducked his head down to rest right over my heart.

  I ran my hand back and forth through his hair. Gradually the shaking stopped and when it did he let go of me with one hand to reach up and bat my hand away from his head. Chuckling, I laced our fingers together instead.

  “You okay?” I asked softly.

  “Better,” he mumbled, then suddenly he was rolling and taking me with him until I was on top of him.

  “Mmm, what was that about?”

  “Was falling asleep, needed a change of position.”

  “Not what I meant.”

  “Kit,” he said tiredly.

  “What was it about, Riker?” I asked again.

  “Can we not? Please?” He sounded like he was begging and I didn’t have the heart to push it anymore.

  I ran the back of my hand up and down his cheek, “Fine,” I said then kissed him. When we separated, he put his hands on either side of my head and just held me there, so that we were staring at each other. I smiled at him until he smiled back.

&nb
sp; “You going to let me go anytime soon?”

  “No,” he said.

  “Don’t know if I should just get comfortable, or remind you what day it is,” I said.

  He furrowed his brow and asked, “What day is it?”

  “Election day,” I answered.

  He groaned and pulled my head down to his neck and held it there. “I hate standing in line to vote.”

  I smiled and kissed his neck. “If we got up now we could get there early and miss the big crowds instead of going between classes. Or we can stay in bed until one of us goes to class.”

  “No, no. No, lines. Let’s go.”

  “You gotta let go of me then.”

  His arms flopped to the side and I rolled off of him. He rolled his head to face me, “We’re going to win right?” he said.

  I reached over and patted his stomach. “Yeah, without a doubt.”

  Chapter 11 - Riker

  November 8th, 2016

  Kit leaned back against my chest and I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him close. There were a few people glancing over in clear disapproval, but just as fast as they glanced over they turned away and kept their mouths shut. On any other day I probably wouldn’t even have taken notice, but today it all just seemed a little eerie to me. I was too tired to think about it though, so I just breathed in the scent of Kit’s shampoo and tried not to doze off standing.

  “Will you drop me off at class after this?” I asked.

  “I did hear that right, didn’t I? You’re going to class?” he teased.

  “Yes, you heard it right,” I said as I shook him a little.

  He chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll take you.”

  “Next!” was yelled across the room and reluctantly I had to release Kit and gently push him forward. Immediately I felt more self-conscious as I shoved my hands into my pockets and tried to ignore the looks once again shot my way. I wondered if Kit had noticed or not.

  “Next!” was yelled again and I stepped forward into the private stall to vote. I filled out the ballot without thought, but I hesitated for a second before turning it in. Hopefully, this one meant something, I thought, then turned in the ballot and left the stall.

  Kit was waiting outside on the sidewalk for me, smile plastered on his face.

  “Why so happy, Romeo?” I said as I pulled him back into my arms.

  “Nothing, just that we are on the verge of this whole ridiculous election being over, and the people that actually know what they are doing winning.”

  I hoped with every ounce of my being that he was right about the election, I really did, but as much as I wanted it to be true I needed it to happen for real before I could put any belief in it.

  He gave me a quick kiss before backing out of the circle of my arms only to grab one of them and give it a tug, “Come on, we have to get you to class.”

  Just as I was about to make some smart remark about him being way too happy to be rid of me another man walked out from the gymnasium and scowled at us.

  “Disgusting,” he said and spat at our feet before walking past us towards his car.

  Kit growled as he passed and not for the first time I questioned just how much of his reactions were anger and how much of it was fierce protectiveness.

  “Come on, let’s go,” I said softly.

  “Yeah, alright,” he said then resumed pulling me along to the car.

  When he pulled into the parking lot outside of the building I had class in that morning I leaned over and gave him a kiss. “Thank you for bringing me.”

  He bowed his head and made a little flourish towards me with his hand. “I’m at your service,” he said.

  I smiled then said seriously “Do me a favor today?”

  “Sure.”

  “Just…be careful? It sounds stupid, but I have a weird feeling about today, with all the crazy fanatics and everything.”

  “It’s not stupid. I’ll be careful, I promise.”

  “Thank you.” I kissed him one more time before opening the door and hopping out. I turned back around and said, “I’ll see you later,” before finally shutting the door and heading off for class.

  The day went by fast enough, but as time passed it felt like there was some intensity building in the air. It wasn’t sitting well with me. Classes were the same as usual, but Coach cancelled practice without explanation.

  Soon enough, I was sitting on the couch playing video games on my phone, and Kit’s feet propped up in my lap. We had ordered Chinese for dinner and the leftovers were still scattered around us. The news was on and we were listening to the election results as they came in. Listening and waiting. Then the unthinkable happened. Not all the states’ votes were in yet, but barring a miracle, there was no turning things around. It was over. We lost.

  Kit stood up abruptly and walked off to his room. He was so upset there wasn’t even a door slam, but I was so frozen in place I couldn’t go after him. There were no words, everything was numb. I knew later it would hurt, but in that moment it was all just shock. My guess was that Kit had already hit the painful stage. It was different for him, more complicated.

  My phone rang. It was probably Dad, or maybe Jake, checking up on me. I didn’t have it in me to answer the phone. Not answering would be answer enough for whoever it was and I’d call them back in the morning. The reality that someone was checking up on me snapped me out of my stupor, though. I had people that would check up on me. Kit didn’t. He only had me.

  Right, I had to go check on him, because I couldn’t let him think he was alone again. I stood up, not entirely sure of how to approach this or if he’d even accept comfort from me at the moment. His door was closed, which he only did when he wanted to be alone. When he had to get work done and didn’t have time for me distracting him, and that was fair. When he was mad about something and needed time to think, also fair. But this, this wasn’t fair to me or him. He didn’t need to shut me out this time.

  I cracked the door open and was met by silence.

  “Kit? You can tell me to leave if you want, but you don’t have to be alone right now.”

  The answer I got was a gut-wrenching sob. I pushed the door open and damn if my heart didn’t break a little right then for him. He was curled up in the fetal position, sobbing his heart out into his pillow. It was the first time I’d seen him cry. He was always the strong one. He was the rock of the relationship. I didn’t know how to handle this, but I was going to have to try. What did he always do for me? He talked and he held me. I really hoped that would work on him.

  “Sorry, if you want to be alone right now, but I don’t think you should be,” I said as I walked over to his bed. I climbed in and curled myself around him, my chest aligning perfectly to his spine, and looping my arms around him loosely enough that he could squirm away if he wanted. He didn’t move away, and I hoped that meant I was doing the right thing so far.

  “I know it’s horrible, and it’s going to be horrible for a while. But we’re going to be okay. You and I, we’ll be okay. They won’t hurt us, they can’t stop us from loving each other. They can’t tell us we’re wrong to be who we are, and they can’t make us feel inferior. It’s gonna be okay. You’ll be okay,” I said. It’s what I would’ve wanted to hear. Maybe it was what he needed to hear as well. His sobbing quieted down a little, but his body never stopped shaking.

  Everyone who was supposed to care about him, everyone who was supposed to protect him and keep him safe had already abandoned him once. The government had been the one thing he thought he could count on, to protect him, to accept him. The government was making things better. He trusted it, and it betrayed him. The system failed him, failed all of us really, but the government had abandoned him too now and I couldn’t imagine what he was feeling.

  I splayed my hand over his heart and whispered to him, “I love you, Kit, you’re not alone and you never will be. Not again.”

  I held him, whispering to him every few minutes until he calmed down entirely and fell asleep
in my arms. I let go long enough to pull the covers up over us, then I kissed the back of his neck and settled in for the night.

  Chapter 12 - Kit

  November 9th, 2016

  When I woke up, it was to a comfortable, warm, heavy weight against me. Oh yeah, Riker. It took me a solid two minutes of lying there, burying my hand in his hair, and staring up at the ceiling to remember exactly why we were curled up asleep and why neither of us were in class. Then it hit me, and all I wanted was to be absorbed in my relationship and forget the rest of the world existed for a moment.

  I curled into Riker’s chest and relaxed against his warmth. He was here. He was still here. I almost wanted to cry in joy at that, but that would wake him and he didn’t need to be woken up. Let him enjoy whatever dream world he was in as long as he could before having to face reality. Although, he was facing it better than me so far.

  My parents were probably jumping for joy. No, no, don’t go there. Don’t think about it. Riker was here, that’s all that mattered now. Riker who was breathing softly against my neck and who hadn’t so much as stirred since I woke up. He wouldn’t wake up for another hour or two and as much as I wanted to I couldn’t just lie there in silence that long. I’d start thinking too much, and I needed to not think about it. Reluctantly I pulled myself away from Riker, making sure the blankets stayed tucked around him before I went out to the living room.

  We had left the place a mess. There were takeout containers and snacks scattered all over the room. The assignments we had both been working on while watching TV last night were abandoned on the coffee table and the couch. Well, at least the TV was off. I was pretty certain I wouldn’t be able to watch the news for the next month.

  I set about picking up the trash and throwing it away. Salvaging whatever food I could and putting it away. I gathered up his homework and took it back to his room. Then I gathered mine up and placed it off to the side of the coffee table. Maybe I’d get back to it later today. Breakfast was next. We desperately needed to go shopping, but I had enough stuff to make omelets. I made myself one then set everything aside that I would need to make one for Riker later because there was no way I’d get away with making myself one and not him. That was fine though, I didn’t mind.