He Loves Him Read online

  I looked up to see Allie still in her pajamas and rubbing at her eyes, standing by the island.

  Quickly slipping into my best-uncle-ever mode, I gently said, “You know how sometimes your mom has trouble breathing?”

  “Yeah. Did it get bad again?” She said, frowning slightly.

  “Yeah, your dad took her to the hospital, but she’ll be okay,” I assured her.

  “Are you watching me then?” she asked.

  “Yep. Now, do you want fruit or cheerios?” I asked her.

  “Cheerios,” she replied.

  I poured her a bowl while she climbed up onto one of the stools. Afterwards ensued a twenty-minute conversation about what we would do for the day.

  “No, I’m not taking you on a hike. My phone won’t get a signal and I need a signal in case your parents call,” I explained to her for the second time.

  “The aquarium, then?” she asked hopefully.

  “What’s this about the aquarium?”

  I reached out just quick enough to stop Allie from toppling off the stool when she turned around too fast. “Hi Kit!” she all but yelled in excitement.

  “Hey Allie,” Kit said with a kind smile.

  “She wants to go to the aquarium. You up for it?” I said as I walked around the counter to sit down next to her.

  “Sure,” Kit said.

  “You’re gonna come with?” Allie said with wide eyes.

  “Unless you don’t want me there.”

  “No, no, I want you to come!”

  “Alright Allie, we’re going to the aquarium. Go get dressed,” I said, hoping to get the day progressed a little further along before she completely monopolized Kit’s attention.

  “Yay! Thank you!” she hopped down excitedly and ran upstairs.

  Kit chuckled and sat down next to me. Reaching over, he sunk his hand into my hair and pulled me to him for a kiss. My hand made its way to his side and slowly worked its way up to his shoulder and back to the base of his neck. Neither of us pulled away until we had to breathe.

  Kit looked me dead in the eye and said “So, where are those cheerios you promised me?”

  “You can’t just kiss me like that and then demand cereal,” I said.

  “Right. I love you,” he gave me another quick peck. “And you promised me food.” I shoved him playfully but got up anyway to pour him a bowl of cereal.

  Less than an hour later, we were at the aquarium. Kit played along nicely as Allie dragged him from one display to the next. That left me to follow behind at a more sedate pace looking at things I actually wanted to look at and skipping others, instead of looking at every little thing for only a few split seconds before moving on to something more interesting. I made sure to stay close enough by though, so that I could easily take over if needed. I even offered to free him from her if he wanted, but he just waved me off with a smile.

  When we started getting closer to the end, I snuck ahead of them. There was one tank I always just wanted to sit in front of for hours. We had gotten there ahead of most of the crowds for the day so when I sat down in front of the tank there were only a couple other people making their way through. Everything about it was perfect. The tank was huge, the lighting inside and outside of it made it seem mesmerizing. Almost enough to put me to sleep. Time stopped, everything stopped, when I was sitting there. Nothing else mattered, nothing else even existed in my mind. It was calming.

  I amazed myself by not startling when a hand came down softly on top of my head and started massaging my scalp. “So, this is where you disappeared to.”

  “I didn’t disappear.”

  “Well, we haven’t seen you for half an hour,” Kit said.

  I grimaced, not realizing how long it had been. “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine. Sharks, I should’ve known.” I leaned back into his legs, and for a minute we stayed there in silence. When he finally broke it, it was to say, “I’ve never seen you look so tranquil.”

  “I like this place, it’s special to me.”

  “Any reason or just because?” he asked.

  “There’s a reason. Tell you about it later. Where’s Allie?” I asked, suddenly realizing she hadn’t bombarded me yet.

  “She’s in that kid play area around the corner. She sent me to find you and beg you to go to the zoo next.”

  “Of course, she did,” I said, rolling my eyes and tilting my head back to look up at him. “What do you say? You up for it?”

  “Yeah, why not. It’s not even noon yet, let’s make it a day.”

  I looked back to the sharks, relishing in it for another few seconds, before finally standing up and taking Kit’s hand. “Alright, let’s fetch the child and go.”

  Chapter 20 – Kit

  November 25th, 2016

  The zoo was way more hectic an experience than the aquarium had been. The crowds were busier, and as opposed to the aquarium where there was only one direction to go, the zoo had so many different paths to follow, so Riker firmly stated that Allie wasn’t allowed to walk more than two feet away from either of us. Her excitement wasn’t deterred at all. She still tried to drag us each and every way she wanted to go next. Of course, though, she wanted to see everything. Which meant we spent a good amount of time doubling back on paths we had already been down to see an animal that wasn’t exciting the first time around but was once we read it on the map later on.

  “Uncle Riker, my feet hurt,” Allie whined just outside the zebra exhibit. Riker didn’t even hesitate in stopping to let her climb onto his back before standing up again. I grinned at him and he just shook his head at me with a chuckle. He was good with her. Really good, like it was second nature. It looked good on him, being responsible for a child.

  “You’re staring,” Riker said.

  “Am I?” I replied, not bothering to look away from him.

  “Yep.”

  “Right, maybe I’m just appreciating the sight.”

  “Maybe?” He asked.

  “Maybe,” I said.

  “Ew, stop being disgusting, Uncle!” Allie said firmly.

  “What are you talking about, I didn’t do anything,” Riker said to her.

  “You’re being romantic,” she said with a disgusted look on her face.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot I wasn’t allowed to be romantic with my boyfriend,” he replied.

  “It’s disgusting,” she said matter-of-factly.

  “Well he started it, take it up with him.”

  “Kit, stop being romantic,” she said.

  “I’ll try,” I said with a smile.

  I was aware of Riker trying not to laugh hysterically as we got told off by a seven-year-old.

  “Can we see the zebras next?” Allie asked.

  “Sure, but only two more animals after that okay? We have to get home and get dinner,” Riker decided, having just looked at his phone to check the time.

  “Fine,” she said.

  By the time we saw the zebras, the buffalo, and finally the lemurs we were back in the car. Riker’s dad called to let him know that Jordan and Ashley were staying overnight at the hospital, but he and Riker’s mom were going to head back and bring the three of us dinner. That cut short the argument Allie and Riker were having regarding stopping for takeout or going home to cook. However, once that argument ended, a whole other conversation started.

  “Kit, are you in love with my Uncle?” Allie seemed to ask out of thin air.

  “Yeah, of course I am,” I answered without hesitation. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Riker smirking.

  “If you love him, are you going to marry him?” she asked.

  At that Riker was fighting back laughter again and briefly glancing at me. Great, this was a wonderful position to be put into. Riker and I weren’t at a stage where marriage was a serious thing to contemplate yet. Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind now and then, and I loved the idea, but that was all it was. An idea to think about in the future. But how did I explain that to a child? At least Rike
r seemed to be taking the situation lightheartedly.

  “Maybe,” I said.

  “Maybe?” she asked.

  “Maybe. Someday.”

  “But, if you love each other doesn’t that mean you have to get married?” She was really being persistent with this.

  I looked to Riker for help. This wasn’t a conversation I ever thought I’d be having with a kid and I had no idea what I was supposed to say that she would understand, or that wouldn’t somehow piss Riker off. I couldn’t say “no, not always,” without worrying that he would take that as meaning I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t say yes either because, well, I might have thought about it, but we had never really talked about it.

  “It’s complicated, Allie,” Riker said, “Now, do you think you can hold off on more personal questions for a while?”

  “How long’s a while?” she asked in return.

  “I don’t know. Just not today, alright?”

  “Alright,” she said. If I turned around, I was pretty sure I would see her pouting, but I didn’t dare look. Instead, I turned to Riker and mouthed my thanks. He just smiled and stuck his hand out to me. Gratefully I intertwined our fingers together and let our hands rest on the center counsel. The rest of the drive was relatively quiet.

  The rest of the night was relatively quiet, actually. We had dinner when we got back, but we both decided we were exhausted from walking around all day and snuck off up to his room as soon as we finished eating, leaving his parents with Allie.

  “So, you maybe want to marry me someday?” Riker asked as soon as we both had flopped down on his bed.

  “Yeah, someday. I’ve meant it you know, every time I say I want you in the rest of my life. I just don’t think either of us are ready for marriage right now,” I said.

  “Oh, definitely not,” he agreed.

  “You okay with me saying that, then? That I want to marry you someday?” I asked. Part of me was worried that the statement might’ve freaked him out a little and that he would keep that hidden inside himself.

  “Yeah, what’s the point of us being together if we don’t want that to be an option at some point?”

  “You make a fair point,” I said, nodding.

  “Just when you do propose to me it better not be because my niece started asking awkward questions,” he said.

  “Oh, so I’m the one who has to propose?”

  “Well, you always tell me, no big declarations, and I think that would count.”

  “I think I could make an exception for that,” I said.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as he flung his arm out over my stomach. I placed my hand over his where it was resting over my belly button.

  “Hey Ri, do you want kids someday?” I asked suddenly.

  “Huh,” he said before turning his head to me. “You know I’ve never really thought about it. Why? Do you?”

  “I never thought I’d have my life together enough for it to ever be an option. But seeing you today with Allie made me think that with you it might just be an option.”

  “I’m not opposed, I don’t think. Not sure when I’d ever be ready for it though.”

  “It’s not like we’re in a rush. I was just curious, you know? It never came up between us before.”

  “Yeah,” he said then just stared up at the ceiling for a minute. Then suddenly he was standing up and going over to his closet and reaching for something on the top shelf. I inched up a bit so that I was propped up against the headboard and when he came back he sat down next to me. He was holding a stuffed shark. Before I even had a chance to question him he started explaining.

  “When I was six, I tried to run away. It’s a long story but basically, my Dad was gone more often than not, it seemed like my Mom didn’t want anything to do with me, and Ashley was being really horrible to me, so I ran. They found me obviously and when my dad figured out what had been going on, he decided to make it up to me by taking me to the aquarium. Spent so much time there that by the time we got to the sharks all the crowds were gone and we were alone. He sat me down and promised me that if I was ever lost, he’d find me, and that he loved me and would always be there for me even if he wasn’t physically there. I don’t know why, he had said stuff like that to me a hundred times before then at least, but that time the words just settled with me. It was the most content, the happiest I have ever felt was in that moment. And I know that’s saying a lot because I was only six, but that’s how I felt about it, still feel about it. By the time we finally moved, the place was just about to close. They were just closing the gift shop, but Dad convinced them to give us two minutes, and I left with this.”

  “No wonder you looked so at peace sitting there. And for the record, if that’s how you feel about it then it isn’t a lot to believe. If you ran away for something like that, then that moment had to have meant a lot more than it normally would.”

  He smiled shyly and bumped his shoulder into mine. “Anyway, just wanted you to know that. Not just because you asked, but because you matter to me. You deserve to know things like that, what makes me tick.”

  I kissed his temple and whispered, “Thank you for telling me,” against his skin.

  He lowered his head to my shoulder and whispered back, “I’d tell you anything, Kit.”

  Chapter 21 - Riker

  October 20th, 2000

  Dad pulled me to a stop just inside the store. We were going to find my Halloween costume!

  “Alright, Rike, you can pick out whatever costume you want. Just don’t go running out of our sight, okay?”

  “Okay,” I nodded seriously. The store wasn’t too big, because it only sold kids costumes. There wasn’t really anywhere I could go that they wouldn’t see me except for a couple corners. And it wasn’t busy, there was only one other family in the store.

  He let go of my hand and said, “Go find a costume then.”

  I smiled and took off towards the nearest shelf. It was full of all sorts of animals, and I thought about being a dinosaur, but that was for little kids. I wasn’t a little kid anymore. I was four. The next shelf had doctors and firemen, but that was boring. That was just regular dress up. Then there were monsters, but I didn’t like monsters. They were scary. One whole section was full of things like crayons and food. Those were stupid. I was just about to move into the next section that looked like it had superheroes when my eyes caught some sparkling wings on a shelf across the aisle.

  I ran across and immediately started looking through all the costumes. They were perfect. They weren’t scary, or stupid, or baby-ish. They were cool and fun. Except something was wrong. Quickly, I turned around and found Mom and Dad standing a few feet away watching. Dad looked amused. Mom looked bored. I ran up to them and looked up at Dad, my bottom lip jutting out, already trembling, tears threatening to spill over.

  “What’s wrong, buddy?” Dad asked.

  “I want to be a fairy.”

  “Okay, there’s plenty of fairy costumes right there,” he said and pointed at the ones I had just looked at.

  “They’re pink and purple. Those are girl colors. Want a red fairy,” I said as two tears spilled out.

  “I don’t think red fairies exist, Riker,” Mom said.

  “Why not?” I hiccupped and looked from Dad to Mom.

  “Because fairies are girls, aren’t they? So, it makes sense that they are pink and purple,” she said.

  My tears were falling really fast then, and I had to try really hard not to sob. I didn’t think I was going to be able to stop that for long.

  “Come here, buddy,” Dad said as he knelt down and pulled me into his arms before saying “Of course, there’s boy fairies. There’s just a lot less of them, and that makes them really rare and valuable. And because their rare and valuable everyone tries to find them and catch them, so they hide away to stay safe where only the other fairies will see them.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” he said and rubbed my back.

  “But w
hy don’t they have a boy fairy here?” I asked.

  “Because they’ve never seen one, so they can’t make a costume of one if they don’t know what it looks like,” Dad explained. That just made me sadder and I did start sobbing them.

  “B-but, I want t-to b-be a b-boy fairy for Hall-Halloween,” I cried then buried my face into his neck.

  “Why don’t you pick something else out, Riker? They have Batman, you love Batman,” Mom said.

  I shook my head and clung on tighter to Dad.

  “Okay Rike, how about this. We’ll buy you the Batman costume just in case and when we get home, I’ll try to find someone who’s seen a boy fairy before and can make you a costume.”

  I lifted my head up just enough to say, “You’ll find me a costume?”

  “I’ll try, but I might not be able to find one fast enough, so you have to pick out a backup okay.”

  “They have Batman?” I asked quietly. Batman was cool.

  Dad smiled and said, “Yeah buddy, they have Batman.”

  “I guess Batman’s okay,” I said as I rubbed my fist against my eye and laid my head back onto his shoulder.

  He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s grab the Batman costume then and get out of here, so I can start trying to find you a fairy.”

  Chapter 22 - Riker

  December 7th, 2016

  Kit had been locked up in his bedroom all day. He was pushing to finish a project before the end of the semester. For most the day that was fine. I was used to him spending whole days on work, but when he did, he still usually took an hour or two to at least sit down and watch TV with me. This time though he hadn’t come out. He walked out long enough to grab a sandwich or some snacks from the kitchen, stopping just long enough to give me a passing kiss if I was in the living room.

  I just wanted to sit with him for a little while. Even if it was just a few minutes. But I didn’t want to distract him either.

  I clicked the TV off and headed for my room to change and call it a day. Walking down the hallway, I realized Kit’s bedroom door was still open. Of course it was, he never shut it unless he really, really, needed to be alone, or if I was watching the news, because he still couldn’t handle that. So I changed into my pajama pants and tossed a t-shirt on, and slowly made my way to his bedroom where I stopped awkwardly to lean against his doorway. If he really didn’t want me to bother him, he would’ve said something that morning, or shut the door.